iCarly was once a staple in kids’ television. Children had to endure an unbearable wait for the next episode that appeared on the acclaimed network, Nickelodeon. As we, like the show, have grown older, hidden truths have penetrated the seemingly impenetrable veil that is common in kids’ television, a veil of idealized innocence that somehow masks unspeakable horror. Jennette McCurdy is one of the show’s stars and played one of the most popular kids’ characters of the 2010s era. She is steadily penetrating this veil of innocence with a powerful weapon: her memoir titled I’m Glad My Mom Died.

Right from the title, readers are instantly astonished and drawn in. When the memoir was first announced, several book companies were entirely sold out of it, leaving fans desperate to get their hands on a copy. However, this book is finally returning to the shelves in a majority of bookstores. After several years away from publicity, McCurdy chose to return with emphasis, and fans were more than ready for it. To ease into the book, she starts with a story of how she had to cut Christmas wrapping paper in a certain way to satisfy one of her mother’s dramatic preferences. Throughout the book, McCurdy delves into a life replete with trauma, explaining her troubled childhood and her wretched rise to fame that was unwillingly started by her mother. 

For those who were once unsuccessful in getting theirs, the closest they may have gotten was her candid interview with ABC. In the interview, she talked of the facade she had to create, which masked her inner pain: “On the outside, I was doing a lot of the performing, the tap-dancing of like the smile and landing on my mark…but inside I was hurting. It was painful.” 

She went on to give her realization of the truth behind kids’ television: “You’re playing an adult’s game. You’re in an adult’s world, and you don’t recognize that.”

Some may have loved McCurdy’s character Sam Puckett; some may have disliked her somewhat rude ways. If McCurdy’s memoir has taught us anything at all, though, it is that there is more to a TV show and life in general than what appears on the surface. Struggle and heartache are obstacles that almost all people will face in their lifetime. It may look different for everyone, but generally, the pain is given a place to dwell when we bury it inside of us. Jennette McCurdy has gone through ruthless obstacles—mental and physical abuse by her mother, eating disorders, and even mistreatment on sets. However, you may have never known this if she had not extracted her inner pain to release this riveting memoir.

So, if, one day, you’re reminiscing about a kids’ show you used to watch, consider the possible struggle the actors and actresses had to endure to put on a quality show for you. Consider the sadness they may have deeply internalized to bring out your happiness. If you truly consider these realities, you will genuinely understand that what you see exteriorly may not be what happens internally.