On the evening of Friday, January 27, the Memphis Police Department released footage of the appalling incident that led to the death of 29-year-old Tyre Nichols. The Memphis community and the entire world watched as gruesome violence engulfed our eyes and ache filled our hearts.

Protests raged across the Memphis area and all around the country. Individuals posted their reactions on social media, calling it the “most disgusting thing” they had ever seen. Parents (more specifically, black parents) held their children tight and lectured them about this instance that may involve them in the future. National leaders, such as President Joe Biden, called for peace and prayer.

That night, the phrase “Rest in Peace” flooded our television and phone screens for yet another young black man. People once again emphasized that they were “tired.”

But truly, how “tired” are we? How many times will we say we are going to “change” this reality that still somehow remains unchanged?

I, personally, am “tired,” but it seems that I have become tired of being tired. Exhaustion has proven to yield no true benefit up to this point. When we, as a nation, became “tired” nearly 3 years ago due to George Floyd’s murder, we pledged to change. We protested endlessly, seeking to ignite a fuse that would hopefully make action.

Yet, here we are again – another young black man’s life crushed at the hands of police.

Except this time is different. This time, a life was taken at the hands of five black men, an exception to the typical occurrence of white officers being the assaulters.

It is this exception that is concerning to me. As a young black man, this was extremely unsettling. Men with my skin color are somehow the abusers. Men that I would expect to be raised on the principles of brotherhood are beating on their own “brother.” It is unbelievable.

At the same time, it underscores the truth, the inescapable reality of our nation. An opportunity for power has been granted to individuals like police officers, and some of those individuals have misread that opportunity as a means to abuse it. They somehow feel entitled to abuse this power just because they can.

What is stopping them? Sure, they may lose their job, but that is not guaranteed. They essentially have the ability to do whatever they chose, and they prove that in instances like this.

People try to infuse optimism into these disheartening cases by saying that there are “good police officers” and “good people in control.” Although that may be true, the rash actions of cruel individuals are enough to balance out the just actions of the good. They are enough to permanently stain their reputation.

That is why I contemplate every day whether I, like Tyre Nichols, may eventually fall victim to this brutality. Every time I open the car door and ignite the engine, I hope and pray that I am not pulled over. Even then, I still worry about what may happen. I worry about how my skin color may make me look guilty of something that I am clearly not; how an officer may decide to beat me simply because he/she feels like it.

I want to say that someday enough will be enough, but it looks like that day may never come.