As the dates for both the Homecoming game and dance become closer and closer, questions start entering our minds. Why is it so associated with football? Why exactly are we coming home? Why is it such a huge event that there needs to be a dance that’s (usually…) after the big game? What are we celebrating? And, most importantly of all, was Olympic and Barbie really the only two themes for Homecoming you guys could think of?

Doing a little bit of independent research and investigative journalism, the tradition of Homecoming has been around since the 19th century, often focused around a central event, such as a dance, or a game of football (the true red-blooded American kind) or ice hockey (for the Canadians), basketball or soccer. Most often, when celebrated by schools, they focus on a good ol’-fashioned match of pure American football. 

Often it follows the team’s longest road trip and celebrates their home coming, justifying the name. The problem is that this year the game that is before is at home, meaning they’re already home. How does one come home while being…at home? The other traditional way of doing it is that it’s the first game that’s after an away game. The problem is that it’s not after an away game, so the Dragons aren’t coming home, because they need to leave first!

Then we get to the part that’s somehow more expensive than the snacks at the game itself- the dance. The big dance, where you either go with someone special to you, ask someone to go with you, bring your friend group, or sit in the corner alone. This is the main event, the talk of the town, the big afterparty of the massive game…

…what do you mean it’s a week before?

I’ve heard that they couldn’t reserve the gym because the band was too busy using the gym on that day for us to come home. Ironically enough, the day they changed it to conflicts with a band competition, so they kinda caused it on themselves. Anyways, why is this? This is supposed to be the afterparty of a massive win, humiliating another school’s team, celebrating how the Dragons have just come home! The game versus Germantown, which is the game right before the dance, is after an away game, but it’s not the “longest trip away from home”, since Arlington’s 21.2 miles away. Riverside is over 120 miles away! 

That’s not even mentioning the themes! On August 14th, the students got an ominous email asking them to vote on the theme for Homecoming. The two choices were Olympics and Barbie. Of course, Barbie won, but I don’t think people realized when they voted how humiliating it is to say you go to a school who’s doing a Barbie themed Homecoming. Better question, why were those the two choices? Why did Homecoming have to be themed? Why couldn’t it just be a formal event? Imagine coming home to Barbie and Ken! If that were me, I would just never come home.

Imagine we celebrate for hours about this game that hasn’t happened yet, then we lose, like 21-42. That’s what happens when hubris gets the better of you. 

But what about the Homecoming Royalty? No offense to those of you who made it to the Homecoming Court, but the system itself is terrible. It’s a blatant popularity contest. The first round’s in Seminar, a class where you don’t exactly know other people, so it’s just a case of either “I know those two girls, so I’ll vote them”, or you look at the names of the people in the class and hope that the two you choose aren’t guys,

The second round is equally as dumb. This is when you get nominated to the court, by doing nothing. Most people don’t exactly campaign for that role (aside from the occasional Instagram story from a friend) and it’s just kinda given to you. Nothing else really changes. I want to reiterate that I have nothing against those of you who were nominated to the court, but I sincerely hope you don’t think that being the Homecoming Queen is your crowning achievement.

Homecoming, in general, is kind of a disaster, so much so that even those who planned it left after 10 minutes last year. We’ll see how the actual dance plays out, then see if the Dragons can win against White Station, so that all that planning isn’t for nothing. Come home, Dragons, then hit the bricks.