BREAKING: High School Principal Walks on the Moon

High School principal Roger Jones left for his journey upon The Jolly Roger. After a three-day flight, he became the first principal to walk on the moon. There have been no missions to the moon since Apollo 17 in December of 1972, making this a monumental return for NASA.

NASA has given us exclusive access to his captain logs:

TRANSCRIPT

Jones: One hour aboard The Jolly Roger. Instead of freeze-dried ice cream, they allowed me to take food from my high school’s cafeteria. I’ve already eaten three spicy chicken sandwiches.

Jones: Four hours aboard The Jolly Roger. I called my wife. She says she is very proud of her space husband.

Jones: Twelve hours aboard The Jolly Roger. I miss my students very much. When I’m at school, every morning at 7 I see their bright shining faces. I really thought I would be able to see the school from here.

While on the moon Jones implemented many new policies, including required ID badges for all moon rovers and extraterrestrial visitors. These ID badges will ensure that all space travelers are supposed to be on the moon and allow them to purchase spicy chicken sandwiches. After his three-day voyage home, Jones’ parachute pod made a safe splashdown in the Atlantic Ocean where he was retrieved by NASA’s cool American flag helicopters.

Jones returned with many photos of his travels, including one depicting the planting of the Collierville Dragons flag.

His students sent him a message to keep his morale high during his expedition:

“We love our astronaut principal!”