Pets are the best! (Sometimes.)

Sometimes, pets are the worst.  Pets can vary from small animals such as hamsters to exotic and unique ones like rocks! Here, I will list the best and worst pets to have coming from someone who has had 3 different types of pets. 

1.) Dogs 

This is obviously a very common choice, but a good one at that! Unless you don’t like dogs or are allergic to them, they deserve number 1 on my list! Dogs are unpredictable most of the time. I look away for 5 seconds, and what does my dog do? Eat grass and poop. Though they aren’t exactly the brightest, they have the brightest smile! Dogs are a man’s best friend. They are the definition of friendship at first sight. (Even though some are love at first bite…) Dogs are golden opportunities for funny pictures or videos as well! Dogs are highly recommended for anyone and everyone! (Not a very fun fact: My dog literally farted on me while I slept. Dogs are so disrespectful sometimes and are unaware of what personal space means.) 

2.) Cats 

Cats are so cute! But they aren’t cute when they attack you with their built-in murder weapons. They can quite literally make you appear on a local news headline. Cats have an adorable face but do the most devious, most unspeakable actions that DESERVE a time-out session. They can commit multiple felonies and still get away with it better than me lying to my mom. Cats are an example of cute but deadly. Stray cats especially are very aggressive at times, and sometimes have drama with other cats at the crack of dawn. Cats may be cruel, but they are too irresistible to not have as a pet. That’s why cats are also a second common choice. (Be aware they also don’t know what privacy means. They will barge in on you while you’re in the shower if they have to.) 

3.) Birds  

I’ve had a few birds here and there, and they are one of my favorite types of pets. By birds, I don’t mean the dangerous, exotic ones that you see in Zootopia. A popular type of bird people like are the talking birds. Who doesn’t love a pet that can insult you back if it wanted to? There are three species that can talk according to google. Having a pet means you probably wake up to them every morning. But having a talking bird might lead to it becoming your replacement alarm. They could even be your off-brand Google Home!

(My parrot was so smart it opened the cage and flew away.)  

4.) Fish 

Fish are one of the most laid-back pets that you could have. They actually live decently long, longer than my flatscreen Samsung tv. Sometimes they are meant for food, but sometimes they are meant for your enjoyment. These guys come with a package deal! You can even walk your very own pet fish. They can even be bought behind your pet smart for a flabbergasting 5 dollars! Warning do not flush them down the toilet (they may still be alive).

5.) Cockroach 

Do you want a pet that lasts longer than your online relationship? This bad boy lives for 20-30 weeks until it turns past tense! This pet is so helpful for those out there with low self-esteem and will write out with its friends “I love you” on your bathroom floor. You can even play hide and seek with these pros. You can find them in your dresser, sink, bed, and even your drink! They also give you free ASMR with their running around. If you want to hear some crunches and crawling, this is the perfect pet for you! 

6.) Rock 

Do you want THE Rock in your home? Just go outside and pick up a rock. It can be any rock! You will also never lose this pet because it can live until the sun explodes! Rocks can outlive you, so you don’t have to worry about mourning the Rock! This is the only pet you can neglect, since it is cheap and it doesn’t need food! You don’t even have to spend your McDonald’s salary on it! 

7.) Monkeys (WARNING: DON’T EVEN THINK OF TAKING THIS THING TO WALMART.)

Monkeys can be a rare choice, but they can be a friendly pet to have by your side! Monkeys could play rock-paper-scissors with you and win. They are extrememly facisnating and intelligent beings. (Unpredictable as well). If you need to entertain a group of guests, this monkey will do the job. Monkeys do anything and everything, such as creating ASMR for you to fall asleep to. They are also skilled in multiple fields of study and won’t eat your homework like your dog would!

Overall, pets have their charming features, but what do they have in common? They don’t pay rent and they like to ruin your house in a loving way. If you have any questions or concerns on where to purchase these animals, call your local Pet-Smart and meet them in the back alleyway.