In recent days, I can’t help but have noticed the lack of chivalry and creativity when men go to ask out a fine lady. To help my fellow men out, I’ve composed a list of some of the most tactical approaches that are surefire ways to get a girl to fall head over heels in love with you.
Number One: Create a PowerPoint presentation. What better way than to make sure you lay out all of her beautiful attributes and what all the pros of dating you would be than to put it in a PowerPoint presentation? Be sure to break down all your date qualifications in neat and easy to read charts and graphs so that she can truly soak in all the information. And don’t forget it make it look pretty; there’s few things girls love more than a well decorated presentation.
Number Two: Approach her like a secret agent. Many women love mysterious men, and what could possibly be more mysterious and brooding than a secret agent. Walking up to her, James Bond style, with sunglasses, a black suit, and an ugly fedora will most definitely have her tripping over her feet, wanting to know more about all your secrets.
Number Three: Play her a solo on the kazoo. There’s nothing more attractive than a musically inclined gentleman, and I’m not talking about being able to play “Wonderwall” for her on your acoustic guitar. You need play something unique, something set apart from everyone else, leaving the kazoo as the optimal instrument. This method does require some reconnaissance, as you need to know her favorite song for it to work. Could any woman truly resist an emotion filled, heart-warming cover of her favorite song on the kazoo? The answer is no.
Number Four: Ask her out through an interpretive dance. Sometimes the best confessions are ones without words. By cooking up a special dance, you’re not only showing her that you’re a creative and artistic individual, but also that you deem her worthy of a specially curated dance just for her, making her feel important. Just be sure the message of your dance is clear, so that she doesn’t horribly misinterpret it and tell everyone you’re gay.
Number Five: Confess to her through a riddle. There is nothing more romantic than making her think of you as a troll asking her to solve a riddle so that she may pass along. Be sure to write down all your deepest feeling about her, and stuff it with compliments, but then make everything extremely cryptic and vague, so that she really has to think on it to figure out what you mean. This will really paint you as a wise, deep thinker in her eyes, successfully making her fall in love with you (assuming she can figure out the riddle (she never will)).
Now that you’re equipped with the scientifically proven methods of asking out girls, it’s time to go use your new knowledge in the real world. Best of luck to all you boys out there, go get some girls.
