I Hate Crocs, and You Should Too

Atrocious. Loathsome. Odious. Repugnant. Vile.

These words cannot begin to describe the intense rage and disgust I feel when I see someone wearing crocs unironically. They aren’t functional, not to mention how utterly hideous they are.

While I have nothing against a classic clog silhouette, the rubber-like material is akin to something of a car tire. There is no way that this comfortable, let alone fashionable. They are marketed as perfect for all kinds of weather and activities, but it is not functional when you have to change the strap on the back just so it doesn’t fall off when you are walking.

And don’t even get me started on the platform croc; It’s a futile attempt to elevate the lowest point in fashion.

At an average price of $45, they are ridiculously overpriced for a shoe that feels cheap and has nothing to offer. If one chooses to accessorize them with “Jibbitz” (a moronic name by the way) you have to pay even more money to add a charm to one of the many holes in top of the clog. It’s absurd to pay upwards of $50 for a shoe that looks as if it was bought off the clearance rack at Walmart.

In addition, there is not one single outfit in the world that when paired with a croc makes a positive fashion statement.  In fact, Crocs have the power to overshadow the rest of your clothes. No one can see what else you are wearing when they have been blinded by that choice of shoe.  There is no way Crocs are the symbol of a person who has completely given up hope on their appearance. Either you don’t care or are incapable of making good decisions.

I am flabbergasted by the sheer number of people I see wearing them on a day-to-day basis. I see them worn in grocery stores. I see them at the park. I have seen them wore to the pool. There is absolutely no reason you should be wearing the same shoes into a store that you do to the beach or pool. It’s simply repulsive.

I’m bored of them. I am haunted by them everywhere I go. There is no escape from the horror that is the Croc.  As a society, we have to abandon the Croc, and create a shoe that is actually all-purpose and doesn’t look like Swiss cheese.